What is Normal?!

Like Martha and Kate have both mentioned, and as many of you know, finding your way to a new "Army" normal can be quite interesting and sometimes difficult. This first hit me when we were at Fort Leonard Wood (FLW). FLW is primarily a training installation. Soon after my arrival, I began to notice lots of these:

And in case you cannot read that bright red sign on the front it reads "STUDENT DRIVER." Day-in and day-out I would pass huge vehicles with this big, red sign when going about my daily routine. I passed them coming out of my neighborhood, on the way to the gym or grocery store and even on the way to the park. Not that this experience in particular was weird or difficult, I had to get used to seeing trainings take place so close to home.

Army installations, it's soldiers and families have a strange way of making a new normal out of an Army life. That seems a bit funny to say because everyone experiences new normals, when a baby is born or a new job pops up, but this new normal is different. It isn't something that really has a routine, a consistency or even certain hours. This normal has a odd combination of training and working for something far bigger than yourself while still trying to proceed with everyday, mundane tasks. For example, our coat closet looks like this:

 

an odd splattering of everyday wear combined with uniforms that only select people in our great country are authorized to wear. Each weekday, Tyler puts on a uniform that represents a strong commitment to our country and on the weekend, although he gets to wear his "civilian" clothes, we know that he is still on duty and at the drop of a hat our phone could ring and he could go into work.

And then there is the nook where Tyler's gear is housed. At each duty station soldiers are given certain pieces of equipment that may be specific to their duty station or job. One piece of equipment is authorized everywhere ... a flack vest. 

This guy is authorized because it protects the soldiers most important organs when riding in a hum-vee, training or at war. This little treasure sits and waits for my husband to need it, but could possibly be his saving grace one day when he wears it. That combination of "just another something I wear and this could possibly save my life" is so strange. A shocking twist of reality and just another piece of equipment somehow get caught up in our new normal.

I'm not really certain what I sat down to say tonight, but I hope that some of you who are struggling to find a new normal or to research to see what that new normal may look like have found a piece of what you are looking for here. Know that everyone's normal looks different, and the steps to get there vary, but you can find peace and happiness in this life. Please, do not be afraid to speak up about how you found your normal, what you're looking to find on this blog, or just to say hello; we'd love to hear from you.

Happy Hump Day!
-- Ginna

Life in a Snap Shot

After Martha mentioned it, I realized just how often this is left in the living room....Along with training binders and discarded baby boy shoes. 'Welcome' to my life :)

-Kate

When Life Hands You Lemons...

CPT Scotty Smiley and CPT Daniel Luckett made a big ol tub of lemonade.

On April 6, 2005, CPT Scotty Smiley's humvee approached a suspicious looking man on the side of the road in Iraq. Seconds later, bits of shrapnel entered his eyes and brain and Scotty would never see again. I met Scotty and his wife at my nephew's baptism a few years ago. He was a classmate and friend of my husband's and I remember being amazed and in awe of the fact that not only has he bounced back from his injuries, but he decided to stay in the Army, began adjusting to life as a blind man, was about to begin his MBA program at Duke and his wife was hugely pregnant. I knew right away that he had not let his unfortunate situation get him down. Now, a few years later, his name is back in the news as his book, Hope Unseen is being published and he has taken command of the Warrior Transition Unit at West Point. He now has two sons, climbed Mt. Rainer, ran a triathlon tied to a fellow Captain and went skydiving. He may not be able to see anymore, but he sure can 'do'. And of course, it goes with out saying, part of his success can be attributed to his amazing wife who stood by his side through all of it. You can read more about Scotty here.

My second story today took me by complete surprise while catching up on facebook this morning. A friend's status made reference to an inspiring Auburn graduate, Army officer and all around gentleman. I read the story quickly, amazed at the resilience of a young man who lost part of his right foot and his left leg in Iraq in 2008 and has now returned to his unit and deployed again, still as an infantry man. As I read the story, I thought of how sometimes I won't return to a restaurant if I have a bad experience, I can't imagine wanting to return to a place like Daniel did. Less than a year after Daniel's injuries, he was able to run a mile in eight minutes, fitted with a prosthetic left leg and a specialized foam piece fit where his right toes should be. He later received his Expert Infantryman's Badge. In May of this year he returned to the Middle East, this time to Afghanistan, where he is severing next to his fellow soldiers of the 101st Airborne Division. After spending some time reading the article, I flipped through the pictures and realized I actually knew Daniel. I hung out with him often during my freshman year at Auburn, it had just been so many years since I had seen or heard his name, I didn't realize it right away. Once I made the connection, I remembered how nice he was, genuinely nice. I had no idea he had been hurt, but I am thankful for my friend who posted the story. You can read more about his amazing path here.

Now, I understand as Army Wives, the last thing we want to think about it our something bad happening to our men, but I couldn't help but share these stories. Not only are they inspiring because of the way the men bounced back from their tragic situations, but they exemplify the essence of the Army. Without legs, without eyes, the Army found a place for Daniel and Scotty, and more importantly, they found a place in the Army.

Have a great week,
Kate

It all begins...

“YOU PRAY ABOUT IT!” my sweet husband said to me as he looked me square in the eyes. We had been having the same argument for about four years.  We had been going back and forth about his desire to serve in the Army. I was clueless and scared. Even though he had trying for so long to explain his heart for service, I would not listen. The arguments did not last long because they usually ended up with me crying and eating pounds of candy and in between bites telling him that he needed to pray about it.

Well, four years of his prayer only made his desire stronger. Finally, the last argument we had about it was him asking me to pray about this decision. I remember a shaking in my soul as his strong voice said to me, “YOU PRAY ABOUT IT!”  I think at that moment I knew as soon as I opened my heart to the Army career, we would be on the same page. I reluctantly walked into the back room (with my candy of course, who can pray without candy?!) and experienced the most amazing heart transformation I’ve ever experienced.  I was able to see my husband’s desire to serve and wanted to join him with all of my heart. We had become a “we” as Kate talked about earlier.

Of course I would have saved my marriage and my blood sugar level a lot of stress had I been open to this career to begin with. But I would not trade the process for anything. It took us to a deeper level as a couple but most importantly; it allowed me to fully process what the commitment meant (as much as I could) and still sprint towards this new adventure with my husband.

Because his call to serve was such a huge part of his heart, by experiencing this with him I was able to fall in love with him all over again.

When he started this journey a few years ago, I searched for any Army wives’ blogs I could find. I wanted to get a glimpse into what the lifestyle would look like. If any of you are in the beginning stages of this discussion or need a little encouragement, I’d love to talk to you about how this journey of communication can take your relationship to such a sweet place…even when he leaves his rucksack in the middle of the living room.

                                                                                    Love to you,

                                                           Martha

Why We are a We

One of my pet peeves is when people use the word 'we' inappropriately. More specifically, I literally cringe when I hear a couple expecting a child say "we are pregnant." No, no you are not. A man literally cannot be pregnant (except for that Oprah guy, but he doesn't really count). It is just plain ol incorrect, and I can say that because I have been pregnant and I assure you, Kev was not.

When I first became an Army girlfriend, I was surprised at the number of women attached to Army men who referred to themselves as 'in the army'. Phrases like 'we are staying in the Army', 'we are going to branch detail to X' and 'we have been through 2 deployements' used to just confuse me. In the beginning, it was worthy of a 'we are pregnant' cringe and I would always have to mutter under my breath 'you are not in the army, your boyfriend/husband is."

However, almost 5 years later, I understand it. The military is the only profession in which a spouse is correct to say "we." The Army takes so much of the family into consideration. The active member gets a salary which compensates for his/her dependants. There are groups specifically for families who meet on a regular basis and provide support to their members. Ginna has a wonderful story that hopefully she will share one day about a company commander who asked her opinion of an assignment that Tyler was going to get, not because he needed her permission, but because he truly cared about them. I guarantee that does not happen in the civilian world.

About a month ago when Kev was deciding whether to get out or stay in, it was always our decision. Never once did he say "what should I do?" It was always, always "what should we do?" And now that I am comfortable using the phrase, I have to tell you how proud I am to be able to say it. We are staying in the Army. We will continue to be part of this great community. We will take new, challenging assignments and hopefully we will be able to mentor young families under Kev's command. We will deal with deployments as/if/when they come. We will get through them together. We agree to move every few years and completely accept it. Sometimes, (most of the time), even we get up for PT in the morning...the alarm usually wakes me up first.

Army life can be straining, but its comforting to know that they care about my entire family, not just my husband. When Cullen was born, Kev's commander presented us with an engraved baby bowl and cup set during a Hail and Farewell. It was such a neat and unexpected moment for me to see my baby boy be 'hailed' into this larger family we are a part of. We are a we because others genuinely care about us. We are a we because spouses and families are invited to join in military traditions. Do our civilian friends come to the office when a boss gets promoted? I don't think so.

So go ahead, say it with me, We are in the Army. This phrase is not only physically possible but 100% accurate.

Happy Hump Day!
-Kate

The Army Song

I am truly a traditionalist at heart. I can be a wee bit contemporary and sometimes a bit modern, but I love tradition, in my home, relationships and ceremonies. The Army is a great place for my traditionalist style. Ceremonies, meals, deployments, redeployments and many other events are filled with pomp and circumstance and traditions that began hundreds of years ago. 

One of my favorite traditions is the singing of the Army Song, a bit cheesy, but I love it! I vividly remember my first ceremony, Tyler's graduation ceremony from EBOLC at Fort Leonard Wood. My girlfriend and I were sitting together and everyone stood to sing. So, we rose, but were quite awkward as the graduating class began with the Engineer song followed by the Army song. Although all of the words were printed in our program, we were stumbling between do we sing, do we not sing?! We ended up singing quietly and hoping we were following protocol. Immediately following the ceremony, Tyler informed me that we would be singing for years to come. And boy was he right. 

Depending on what type of ceremony you attend and where the ceremony is depends on what songs you sing. For instance, in Alaska we have an Arctic Warriors song, the engineers have an engineer song, etc. The common thread among all events is the Army Song, which closes all formal ceremonies. It was written in the late 1800s by a Field Artillery lieutenant then later adopted as the Field Artillery song before being adjusted to be the Army Song. The song was officially adopted in 1956 and renamed "The Army Goes Rolling Along." The stanzas represent the past, present and future of the Army. Although there are a few stanzas, we only sing the first verse and the refrain. If you are nervous about your first ceremony you can study up, but don't worry, you'll quickly catch on.

Click here to listen!

Have a great Monday!
-- Ginna

How We Met

No, this isn't a story about how we met our wonderful husbands, but rather a fun story about how our friendships came to be.

It started with Ginna and me. As she mentioned in her last post, she and Tyler remained at Wake for a few months upon graduation, just about that time Kev and I arrived. Kev came home one day and told me he really thought I would like Lt. V's wife because she was "really bubbly and a teacher too." Well, hubby got that right. We went to dinner as a foursome once, and it was all over from there. Ginna and I had our "did we just become best friends??" moment while walking one afternoon right after we met. I had just told her I was 8 weeks pregnant, so the conversation quickly turned to baby names. Turns out, we both plan on having daughters with a double name, their second name being the middle name of their daddy's. Little Nora Scott and Jane Blair. Once we realized this, we may have stopped our walk to jump up and down and hug. We now talk about our hypothetical daughters being best friends more often than normal people would. Just in case you are wondering, we have big plans of getting to Stewart at the same time so Nora Scott and Jane Blair can run around Spanish Moss covered parks in their matching monogrammed smocked dresss. We should probably let the Army and our husbands in on this plan. Ginna and I also bonded over the fact that we walk because we enjoy gossiping and looking at pretty houses more than actually exercising.

It was over a year later, while sorting through a really shady pile of clothes donated to our Junior League sale, that a red head, who just a few minutes earlier had been wearing a blue sparkly jacket with shoulder pads, stopped me and said really emphatically "Did you just say your husband is in the Army???" Martha's husband had just been accepted into the JAG Corps and she was shocked to find another Army wife in Winston. We had our "did we just become best friends??" moment when we hung out the next day, and the next day, and two days after that. Then reluctantly and awkwardly admitted that we missed eachother when a week went by without hanging out. Finally, we showed up to a BBQ wearing the same dress that we, unknown to one another, had just bought at Marshall's. (Side note, Martha's hair is not really red, she had just dyed it for the winter, however, in my mind, she will always a red head. Much the same, in Ginna's mind, I probably will always be nauseous.)

In between these two meetings which changed my life, Martha and Ginna had become friends. Martha was best friends with Tyler's older brother growing up (you still with me here?). She began skyping with Ginna and relying on her as the only other person she knew in the Army. They can fill in the blanks on this story for you one day :)

Some other fun facts about our soul-mate-friendships:
-Ginna and Martha had the same wedding dress
-Martha and I have the exact same 'everyday' china
-Our husbands all have eerily similar personalities
-We all work/worked at schools
-We all get easily excited about really little things. There is usually hugging involved.
-Wine. Well, yea.

I thought this would be a fun way to round out our 'about us' week. We hope you enjoyed getting to know us and will continue reading as we delve further into our stories!

-Kate